To all the ‘misfits’ out there: Filmpoetry ‘MISS FIT’ by Cindy Nguyen

Updated on April 8, 2021 in Photography
10 on August 2, 2017

I know this is not ‘photography’, but you here also know that Eric and I are not good at following rules and categories. Here is an art project I made and wanted to share with all of you. I hope that this can inspire you to challenge categories, social expectations/rules, and creatively experiment with all forms of art — poetry, cinematography, film, you name it.

https://youtu.be/l8UzWKxLcFs

 

Dear Viewer,

You might know me as the quiet muse from #cindyproject, as an academic writing on Vietnamese history of libraries, or you might not know me at all. For a long time, I tried to delicately parse out the various identities I had to preserve my ‘professionalism’ and protect the ‘personal.’ I was told by men, women, old, young that a curated identity was for my own good.

But for someone whose work meditates on bringing nuance to history and art, I now confront my pursuit to be disingenuous. Neatly sectioned off, curated identities is a scam. It shrouds the beautiful mess of reality. It reinforces the existing hegemonic structure of social expectations and categories. ‘Artists are X. Academics are Y. Women are 1. Men are 2. Anything in-between or beyond these categories is not legitimate.’ This is false.

I am tired of treading softly between glass boundaries of what is considered ‘appropriate.’ I am tired of listening obediently to the voices of Reason, the Future, and Others tell me that I must be more or less. I want to look in the mirror and see myself, not others.

I was afraid to publish my art. I thought that by exposing my art to the world, I was exposing myself to public scrutiny. I was afraid that others would think that I was full of myself. That somehow Cindy thought she was

    • Talented
    • Hard working
    • Creative
    • Beautiful

But I realize that in fact, I am.

Or maybe this filmpoetry will ruin my reputation

    • Make me difficult to hire.
    • Make others feel uncomfortable .
    • Make others not take me seriously.
    • A ‘scarlet letter’ signaling to the world that I had a voice, a personality, a message.

But I realize that in fact, others should take me seriously. I can be difficult if I want to be.

Rather than be afraid, I wear the badge of humanity and vulnerability proudly. Because I have something to say that I truly believe in. That message is powerful. It shakes and moves me to write it. It will make you uncomfortable.

I am Cindy. I have something important to say.

https://youtu.be/l8UzWKxLcFs

 

 

MISS FIT

 

“The fit is not flattering”
She mouths their murmurs
to the reflection before her.
Eyes scan a faintly familiar figure.
Of crossed legs, brushed hair, slouched shoulders.
It is her, it is she, it is me.
A miss-fit.

 

Clean contours of plastic perfection
Support, mould the reformed body,
an ivory bust
an empire waistline awaits its ruler.
The patchwork of metal and fabric croak.
It is her, it is she, it is me.
A miss-fit.

 

She inches towards the mirror
Inhales the clinical scent of new merchandise
Examines the blurry fingerprints of those before her
Smeared across the reflection of her body.
A palimpsest of hourglass dreams.
It is her, it is she, it is me.
A miss-fit.

 

Mascara lashes fall softly
Lacquered lips press against the cold glass.
Farewell distorted distant stranger.
And hello nice to see you again old friend.
Miss Fists crushes the glass apparition
In a splendid reckoning of femme fury.
It is her, it is she, it is me.
A miss-fit.

MISS FIT’ Filmpoetry Credits

Directed, Produced, Edited, Artistic Concept, Poem Written by Cindy Nguyen
Cinematography by Eric Kim
Beats by Bass N Instrumental Instrumental of ‘Feeling Myself – Nicki Minaj ft Beyonce’
Inspired by a lifetime of looking into the mirror and never seeing myself.
—-

 

 
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0 on August 3, 2017

Thank you for empowering me and others Cindy, this is truly beautiful. 

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0 on August 5, 2017

That video was the best kid of weird. Truly loved it.

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1 on August 8, 2017

Thanks Jeremy. I’m learning to embrace the weird.

 

on August 9, 2017

love it!

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1 on August 11, 2017

I watched this yesterday and was surprised, and impressed, and how deeply it resonates with me.

I’m also inspired by your refusal to parcel off various identities. I’m encouraged to break some walls with my own academic work, thank you.

on August 12, 2017

Thank you Nox for your kind note and encouragement. Would love to see some of your work someday!

 

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0 on March 9, 2021

As a matter of fact, I was depressed for my low self-esteem, because I was deeply depressed in school with constant bullying because it looked as fashionable and introverted. I have been humiliated and my self-esteem killed there many times. I found a self-esteem therapist at least then, and it helped me to affordable therapy . And it made me very glad; I hope it will also be useful to others and contact them if there is something, as they can help. I did not even expect to be able of living differently.

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0 on April 6, 2021

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0 on April 7, 2021

Thanks for sharing this great post with us.

 Studytonight

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0 on April 8, 2021

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